Second Night

second night...of the diary monologues...

not bad day... of course was quite boring....but was a good nite.... nice dinner in my favourite restaurant.... the Malte...

huge effort not being allowed to smoke anymore...had a fag outside after finishing my meal quickly...

but....but....big surprise.... at 00:00 you are allowed to smoke....Brilliant...
I loved Belgians again 2nite....they are amazing....boring but funny and amusing..

didn’t work too much today....when I’m not at the office, my mind runs away...especially when connected to the world wide net...

went to Stam....but didnt work alot...have to work...have to get paid...i need cash....
i need to pay my depts...

need to buy a new camera....second hand.... the DVX100 panasonic....

was glad when pawbalowski told me that we got the wedding job in july....Santorini....:)))

what else... i was surpised that i may i like her.... not the yesterday one....

but i realised that i can’t be in love with her... there’s something keeping me in distance... she’s a friend... although i don’t know that she’s feeling the same way... may be i’m not her friend only..

but i’m not trying to discover it!

Zorbas said that never deny a woman... but i don’t see what she’s asking from me...maybe i can’t..or i don’t want...

she’s a mystery most of the times... nevermind...

i need to party... need to get pissed...

and everthing around me is so well tided up... so well defined in their cages..... i have a cage too....but i want to break it....

perhaps i’m a little bit more advanced....perhaps i’ve done things earlier than the others...
but for sure i have’t done them in the right order as they’re dreaming doing them...

except from working....but who’s not???

so what? don’t know... i feel sleepy...

bloody moods... i know that when i’ll wake up one day and feeling again the happiness of the moment, this diary will be over...

have to wake up...have to get up...get some energy...
forget everything...

just be myself again...what if this “myself” is over now? and what if i’m reborn and these are the pains of getting a new “myself”?

it looks like doing self discovery....it’s not psychoanalysis for sure... i’m not talking for childhood traumas yet.....hahahaha...

2morrow nite i’ll see her... this is what i’m expecting from 2morrow...
although i always loved what Kantzatzakis wrote:

“ I don’t believe anything
I don’t expect anything
I’m free”

Kalhnyxta!

02:03:56, 02/02/07, Brussels